It’s been a difficult time at school for The Boy but then the first weeks back after the holidays always are aren’t they? At home he’s been a complete git. Much stroppier than any teenager I’ve ever known, myself included and he’s only six and three quarters!
On Saturday he went back to the children’s disability centre after a three week break. He loves going as he is able to interact with other autistic children, one boy in particular who he has taken a shine to. Unfortunately this boy is much older than him and is starting the teenage group in a few weeks. Whether The Boy picked up on this or it was just an extension of his struggles throughout the week, we don’t know but we were told he had a major meltdown in the park and had to be restrained by two of the carers because he was in danger of ‘bolting’.
Getting to the bottom of meltdowns can be difficult and sometimes we never understand what the trigger is. All we know is that he started hitting out and shouting that he ‘hated girls’. Then he tried to ninja kick the female carers who were having to restrain him. Thankfully there was a male carer who was able to calm him down. Apparently he was new so it was in at the deep end for him, poor sod.
The hitting out obviously isn’t new but I have no idea where this ‘hating girls’ has come from. Boys at school? TV? I don’t think this isn’t something that The Boy has come up with himself. It’s most likely something he’s seen or heard. It’s no surprise that boys of his age are starting to see girls as being, er, annoying so maybe he’s heard a boy casually say, ‘I hate girls’ on the yard but The Boy is literal and looking at it this way it’s easy to see how he could have interpreted it differently from his peers.
The thing about The Boy is that he mimics. If he hears words or phrases he likes the sound of he will repeat them whenever possible no matter how inappropriate they are to the situation. We have to be extra careful what we say around him but we’re human and occasionally slip up like when OH forgot himself and said ‘Bloody’ and The Boy repeated this at school. SHAMING!!
When it comes to TV, he’s nuts about Ninjago and anybody who’s ever had the pleasure of watching it will know that it centers around six teenage Ninjas – Kai, Jay, Cole, Lloyd, Zane and Nya. It’s a good versus evil with hormones thrown in. It’s normal for boys his age to be into stuff like this, right? Eldest boy was into The Teenage Mutant Turtles back in the 90’s while I had a secret crush on Shredder.
What? You’ve never had a crush on an animated character?
Er, moving on then…
The problem is when the child struggles to separate fantasy from reality…
My son thinks he is one of these characters. He talks like them. Raises an eyebrow like them. Stands with his arms folded like them, even on school photographs. He chooses the colour of his pants based on which Ninja he wants to be that day!
Worryingly he demonstrates his ‘ninja moves’ at school and recently this ended in him being carried out of the playground for time-out in the library. As a result Ninjago is banned before school. I only allow him to watch CBeebies in the morning. Yes, I’ve gone from one extreme to another but shows like Teletubbies and The Clangers have a relaxing effect on him. More importantly, Clangers and Tubbies aren’t on the receiving end of a ninja kick.. not that I’ve seen anyway.
The Boy was diagnosed with ASD as Aspergers no longer seems to be a stand alone diagnosis but he fits with Aspergers and many ‘Aspies’ are known to mimic, especially girls.
I mimicked as a child and teenager. In fact, a big percentage of my life has been to copy in order to fit in. It was a subconscious thing as a child but once I had an understanding that I was different, it became a coping skill in order to ‘fit in’ not that I ever really managed to. It’s only in recent years that I have allowed myself to be me because trying to fit into a society that you don’t understand is exhausting and thanks to my hormone malfunction (menopause) I no longer have the patience nor the inclination to be someone I’m not.
Me and The Boy differ in that sense that I never physically acted out in school at his age. At school I barely spoke and when I did the words wouldn’t come out right which only served to earn me the wrong kind of attention so I avoided it whenever possible which meant that things stayed in my head until I got home where I would ‘act’ it all out. Mum would testify to this if she was alive today as she was forever telling me off for shouting. This is one of the reasons she couldn’t understand the words ‘quiet’ or ‘shy’ on my school reports. It never occurred to me to tell her about what was happening at school but if she’d have listened at my bedroom door she might have realised that my play wasn’t imaginative but a word perfect reenactment of my day. The Boy is extroverted and acts out publically which creates problems especially as he’s fond of slapstick and all things ninja and so we have a big problem.
The ‘girl’ thing is being addressed at home and school and I’m confident it’s a blip. When it comes to Ninjago, it isn’t only restricted to the TV. He has comics, books, Lego and electronic games. His life is Ninjago and owls and any autism parent will understand about an autistic child’s obsessions.
This will be no easy task.
No matter what we do here at home, his male peers are mostly into the ‘good versus evil’ on the playground and though I have many skills as a mother, omnipresence isn’t one of them so I’ll have to leave that one to the school and concentrate on things at home.
Any ideas would be appreciated.