Now That’s What I Call Autism!

People of a certain age (*coughs*) will remember when a compilation album called Now That’s What I Call Music! came out in 1983.

I was 13.

What are we up to now? Now That’s What I Call Music 7509?

I’m almost 50!

No doubt, the multi-gazillion franchise will go on long after I’ve stopped breathing..

*Note to self* Record funeral mix-tape and call it, ‘Now That’s What I Call Being Dead!

The difference is that I could probably name all the tracks on the original album, whereas I couldn’t name a single track on the latest one. This is probably because I’m geriatric (not really) and geriatric people tend to live in a musical time-warp when they were youthful and had their own teeth.

I’m no music snob, but the auto-tuned, sampled-to-the-hilt crap that’s trawled out to the masses these days makes me want to hack off my own ears. What happened to pure talent? You could shove me into a recording studio with all its sorcery and I could could bang out a s(hit) record in three hours flat!

Granted, I would have to pay a body-double to do the bumpin’ ‘n’ grindin’ on the video, as that particular ship has sailed thanks to arthritic hips. Actually, I do grind, but it’s more of a ‘bone on bone’ thing which isn’t as arousing, especially when it’s combined with the stench of Deep Heat.

Anyway, back to Now That’s What I Call Music or as my dad used to call it, ‘That’s What I Call a Load of Crap!’

So, some of us bought (or were bought) Now That’s I Call Music on vinyl (album, not flooring). The rest of us pestered our mates/siblings to borrow it, which they did, albeit reluctantly, and only after issuing a warning of certain death if said album was returned to them with any defects, such as scratches or tea-stains on Tracey Ullman’s face.

The beauty of cassettes was that you got to spend hours of your life jamming biros into cogs trying to wind the b@stard tape back in. Remember that? Happy Memorex, eh? See what I did there? I’ll get my coat!

In the spirit of those bygone times, I present to my fellow autists, a mix-tape.

Enjoy and feel free to add ‘requests’ via the comments section.

A Side

1. Don’t Stand So Close to Me ~ The Police (for the claustrophobics, obvs)

2. Move Closer ~ Phyllis Nelson (for the space-invaders)

3. Too Much Information ~ Duran Duran (social media overload)

4. Anxiety ~ Good Charlotte (‘I am anxiety free!’ said no autistic person. Ever)

5. Green Day ~ Minority “Stepped out of the line. Like a sheep runs from the herd. Marching out of time. To my own beat now”. (blog author adds: So, up yours, haters!)

6. Pushing The Senses ~ Feeder (I push mine round in an old Tesco trolley) Too literal?

B Side

1. 99 Problems ~ Jay Z (I got 99 problems but the Nintendo Switch aint one)

2. Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now ~ The Smiths “I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I’m miserable now” (You get pissed, wake up and realise that everything is still shit)

3. 19th Nervous Breakdown ~ The Rolling Stones (currently on my 20th)

4. Spinning Around ~ Kylie (literally, though not necessarily in size zero hot-pants)

5. Communication Breakdown ~ Led Zeppelin -“Communication breakdown. It’s always the same. I’m having a nervous breakdown. Drive me insane! (self-explanatory, really)

6. Beloved Freak ~ Garbage ~ “People lie and people steal. They misinterpret how you feel. And so we doubt and we conceal” (adoring you from afar, Shirley Manson, but not in a criminal way)

Bonus track – Senses Working Overtime ~ XTC ~ “I got one, two, three, four, five senses working overtime”. (My senses literally never clock off!)

13 thoughts on “Now That’s What I Call Autism!

  1. The line “I got 99 problems but the Nintendo Switch ain’t one” really got to me after I lost mine lol.

    One of my favourite songs is Fireflies by Owl City, and apparently the lead singer Adam Young is autistic!

    I need to show you something I have got called a Subpac. Its a thing you wear that looks like a backpack, but it connects to your phone and it makes the bass from your music vibrate through your body, it’s amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LOVE this post! Thanks for the laugh. I was also 13 in 1983 (but I don’t consider myself anywhere NEAR 50! lol…I guess it’s that river in Egypt thing…)
    I’m in Canada and have never heard of these compilations but it does remind me of all those mix tapes we made off the radio, especially the New Years Eve countdowns.
    Love the song choices 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.