People of a certain age (*coughs*) will remember when a compilation album called Now That’s What I Call Music! came out in 1983.
I was 13.
What are we up to now? Now That’s What I Call Music 7509?
I’m almost 50!
No doubt, the multi-gazillion franchise will go on long after I’ve stopped breathing..
*Note to self* Record funeral mix-tape and call it, ‘Now That’s What I Call Being Dead!‘
The difference is that I could probably name all the tracks on the original album, whereas I couldn’t name a single track on the latest one. This is probably because I’m geriatric (not really) and geriatric people tend to live in a musical time-warp when they were youthful and had their own teeth.
I’m no music snob, but the auto-tuned, sampled-to-the-hilt crap that’s trawled out to the masses these days makes me want to hack off my own ears. What happened to pure talent? You could shove me into a recording studio with all its sorcery and I could could bang out a s(hit) record in three hours flat!
Granted, I would have to pay a body-double to do the bumpin’ ‘n’ grindin’ on the video, as that particular ship has sailed thanks to arthritic hips. Actually, I do grind, but it’s more of a ‘bone on bone’ thing which isn’t as arousing, especially when it’s combined with the stench of Deep Heat.
Anyway, back to Now That’s What I Call Music or as my dad used to call it, ‘That’s What I Call a Load of Crap!’
So, some of us bought (or were bought) Now That’s I Call Music on vinyl (album, not flooring). The rest of us pestered our mates/siblings to borrow it, which they did, albeit reluctantly, and only after issuing a warning of certain death if said album was returned to them with any defects, such as scratches or tea-stains on Tracey Ullman’s face.
The beauty of cassettes was that you got to spend hours of your life jamming biros into cogs trying to wind the b@stard tape back in. Remember that? Happy Memorex, eh? See what I did there? I’ll get my coat!
In the spirit of those bygone times, I present to my fellow autists, a mix-tape.
Enjoy and feel free to add ‘requests’ via the comments section.
1. Don’t Stand So Close to Me ~ The Police (for the claustrophobics, obvs)
2. Move Closer ~ Phyllis Nelson (for the space-invaders)
3. Too Much Information ~ Duran Duran (social media overload)
4. Anxiety ~ Good Charlotte (‘I am anxiety free!’ said no autistic person. Ever)
5. Green Day ~ Minority “Stepped out of the line. Like a sheep runs from the herd. Marching out of time. To my own beat now”. (blog author adds: So, up yours, haters!)
6. Pushing The Senses ~ Feeder (I push mine round in an old Tesco trolley) Too literal?
1. 99 Problems ~ Jay Z (I got 99 problems but the Nintendo Switch aint one)
2. Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now ~ The Smiths “I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I’m miserable now” (You get pissed, wake up and realise that everything is still shit)
3. 19th Nervous Breakdown ~ The Rolling Stones (currently on my 20th)
4. Spinning Around ~ Kylie (literally, though not necessarily in size zero hot-pants)
5. Communication Breakdown ~ Led Zeppelin -“Communication breakdown. It’s always the same. I’m having a nervous breakdown. Drive me insane! (self-explanatory, really)
6. Beloved Freak ~ Garbage ~ “People lie and people steal. They misinterpret how you feel. And so we doubt and we conceal” (adoring you from afar, Shirley Manson, but not in a criminal way)
Bonus track – Senses Working Overtime ~ XTC ~ “I got one, two, three, four, five senses working overtime”. (My senses literally never clock off!)